December 2009
“I am shouting my invisible words. I am getting so weary. I am growing tired. I am waving at you from here. I am crawling and looking for the aperture of complete and final emptiness. I am vibrating in isolation among you. I am screaming but it comes out like pieces of clear ice. I am signaling that the volume of all this is too high. I am waving. I am waving my hands. I am disappearing. I am disappearing but not fast enough.”
—David Wojnarowicz
November 2009
drinking song
Jenny Owen Youngs
Drinking Song-Jenny Owens Young
Everything I touch turns to shit
Everyone I try to love won’t hear of it
Now my hands are overfull of things I’d like to give
Does anybody want it?
Does anybody want it?
Does anybody want me?
I’ve been mapping it out
I don’t know what’s wrong with me
But I wish that it was something else
I?ve been mapping it out
Maybe you should find a girl who cares about herself
It’s silence at the bottom of a bottle
ba da da da da da
It’s silence at the bottom of a bottle
ba da da da da da
Everywhere I look I see your face
No button I can push, delete, erase
Can nothing straight but for the emptiness
No one left for me to miss
I’ve been mapping it out
I don’t know what’s wrong with me
But I wish that it was something else
I?ve been mapping it out
Maybe you should find a girl who cares about herself
It’s silence at the bottom of a bottle
ba da da da da da
It’s silence at the bottom of a bottle
ba da da da da da
Down here we’ve got so much time to forget
I wonder if this is how I pay for the things I’ve broken carelessly
Nobody wants to step on it
I guess I just keep drinking
It’s silence at the bottom of a bottle
ba da da da da da
It’s silence at the bottom of a bottle
ba da da da da da
The problem will find them sooner or later
you have to hit something.
“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.”
—Chuck Palahniuk
cripples the candy
she dances,
sea walls
skin wails,
‘I want some,
I need the gloves,’
she skims.
her face,
with sweet sores.
the salt,
it stings
like swords
the girl likes it rough.
girl reminisces:
pain is what she knows
hunter,
take a breath,
hunter,
peel your skin back,
hunter,
the crowd wants your
bones—
they want the free candy.
dress you
in pretty fetal curves.
oh father we adore you.
oh father, we abhor you.
“You still cry too easily, but without your tears, at least, everything would burn. You are Spring in your jeans, in the laughing leaves. I think pearls melted over your bones.”
—Francesca Lia Block
Play
Listen
Calypso-Spiderbait
Sunshine
On my window
Makes me happy
Like I should be
Outside
All around me
Really sleazy
Then it hits me
Don’t tell me
You can’t see
What it means to me
Me me
Meanwhile
In the moonlight
Purple people
Unforeseeable
Lonely
As they may be
They’ll be peachy
Then it hits me
Don’t tell me
You can’t see
What it means to me
Me me me
Sunshine
On my window
Makes me happy
Like I should be
Outside
All around me
Really sleazy
Then it hits me
Don’t tell me
You can’t see
What it means to me
Me me
headlines: new celeb trend
Reindeer-dung jewelry sells at Illinois zoo
Sparkly reindeer-dung necklaces are going on sale at an Illinois zoo that hopes to attract the same holiday shoppers who swept up its dung Christmas ornaments last year.
Words for Departure by Louise Bogan
Nothing was remembered, nothing forgotten. When we awoke, wagons were passing on the warm summer pavements, The window-sills were wet from rain in the night, Birds scattered and settled over chimneypots As among grotesque trees. Nothing was accepted, nothing looked beyond. Slight-voiced bells separated hour from hour, The afternoon sifted coolness And people drew together in streets becoming deserted. There was a moon, and light in a shop-front, And dusk falling like precipitous water. Hand clasped hand Forehead still bowed to forehead-- Nothing was lost, nothing possessed There was no gift nor denial. 2 I have remembered you. You were not the town visited once, Nor the road falling behind running feet. You were as awkward as flesh And lighter than frost or ashes. You were the rind, And the white-juiced apple, The song, and the words waiting for music. 3 You have learned the beginning; Go from mine to the other. Be together; eat, dance, despair, Sleep, be threatened, endure. You will know the way of that. But at the end, be insolent; Be absurd--strike the thing short off; Be mad--only do not let talk Wear the bloom from silence. And go away without fire or lantern Let there be some uncertainty about your departure.
xx
silence hung from the rafters,
colored over with ice.
*
someone breathed ‘love’ into its glass.
someone scratched ‘no’.
*
breasts against,
ribs caught in her chest—
he listens for her sigh,
*
‘enough already.
enough.’
What If I Leave (acoustic)
Rachael Yamagata
What If I Leave (Acoustic)- Rachael Yamagata
Oh why don’t you call when you say you will my dear?
Is it because I don’t belong to you
Anymore
And why don’t you come when you say you will my dear?
Do you really think it will work out wrong?
Oh and you’ve been lost and I’ve been saved
Is that what comes from giving away?
Maybe in time you will come back along to greet me
What if I leave…
Why don’t you call?
Don’t you miss me at all?
Left a long long time ago to where the weather was better for his kind
Why won’t you play?
You’ve gone and lost your face
I may be a fool all along but I never understood these rules
Oh and every street calls your name
A whispering ghost of neighborhood flame
Maybe in time you will wake up to find you’re free
What if I leave…
So I grow up longing for another
With the windy city left behind to my lover
Will you ever know the way I cry?
You were gone that day so you may have missed
my goodbye
Oh and sometimes in my dreams I hear you say,
“If you really care you won’t go away”
What if I leave…
things you should know about me
I watch 10 Things I Hate About You once a week.
“I project myself out through the glasses and across the street, a ghost in the morning sunlight, torn with disembodied lust.”
—William S. Burroughs
fairytale
kiss the plums
and the moon
take care on stairwells
they’ll steal your shoes
*
I am not alive
I am not a lie
they’ve taken me from my home
but I am not in your line.
nails in my eyes,
i am fine, i am fine.
*
I watched you,
shooting the moon,
space-dust glinting off
your cheeks,
my organs were bruised.
*
you don’t get it, do you?
my pretty gold mouth,
the broken shoe—
*
I’d rather be loved
than be your fool.
“Don’t say this: “Put on your best suit, wash and go. Get out of my head. Everybody lies but let’s be happy. I am gorgeous, pink and skimpy. Let’s be famous, let’s be happy, and obnoxious. Thick and skinny, rich and famous”
—Emily Haines
Play
Shes Got You High
Mumm Ra
She’s Got You High-Mumm Ra
She’s got you high and you don’t even know yet
She’s got you high and you don’t even know yet
The sun’s in the sky, its warming up your bare legs
You can’t deny you’re looking for the sunset
She’s got you high and you don’t even know yet
She’s got you high and you don’t even know yet
It’s the search for the time before it leaves without you
Have you lost your mind or has she taken all of yours too?
Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We’ve lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it’s going to come to
Romance alive and hope she’s going to tell you
She’s got you high and you don’t even know yet
She’s got you high and you don’t even know yet
The sun’s in the sky, its warming up your bare legs
You can’t deny your looking for the sunset
Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We’ve lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it’s going to come to
Romance alive and hope she’s going to tell you
She’s got you high
She’s got you high
She’s got you high
She’s got you high
She’s got you high
She’s got you high
Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We’ve lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it’s going to come to
Romance alive and hope she’s going to tell you
Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We’ve lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it’s going to come to
Romance alive and hope
She’s got you high!
“While she cut the mushrooms, she cried more than she had at the grave, the most so far, because she found the saddest thing of all to be the simple truth of her capacity to move on.”
—Aimee Bender
Play
headlines: kangaroo v. dog v. man v. all that is good and natural in the world
Kangaroo tries to drown dog, attacks owner
A kangaroo startled by an Australian man walking his dog attacked the pair, pinning the pet underwater and slashing the owner in the abdomen with its hind legs.
“Yes,
eyes that were immediate once.
Eyes that have been truly awake,
eyes that told the whole story—
poor dumb animals.
Eyes that were pierced,
little nail heads,
light blue gunshots” —Anne Sexton
eyes that were immediate once.
Eyes that have been truly awake,
eyes that told the whole story—
poor dumb animals.
Eyes that were pierced,
little nail heads,
light blue gunshots” —Anne Sexton
